Blog Entry #1: The Things I Carry

         Behind this undeniable smile, beneath the positivity, and  deep inside this warm heart, carries a heavy weight of guilt and disappointment. I'm not the ideal daughter, sister, or student that I wish I could be. There's been unforgettable mistakes that could never be taken back. Throughout the years, there has been countless road blocks that has kept me from maintaining a steady life. Although I do my best to get through each day with positive energy, there's definitely those bad days that makes me want to breakdown. I associated myself with negative influences. I was young and naive, so I'm bound to make bad choices. I've grown since, yet I make my way around to stupid decisions and subconsciously continue to disappoint the ones I love around me. I carry guilt within my heart, as I begin to regret letting down my peers. I recently realized that I carry a huge load of disappointment as well. It hit me like a brick wall... When I've come to notice that I've never heard the phrase, "I'm proud of you" from my parents. Majority of the time, I am being lectured due to the mistakes I make. Therefore, I carry around a sort of escape from negativity.
          I carry around my earphones and iPod wherever I go. This is my escape method from trouble and keeps me sane. Passionate about music, it calms my nerves and relaxes tension. Music releases me from stress, pains, heartaches, and emotions. My earphones block out all the sounds and ruckus of my surroundings, and lets me clear my mind of insanity. It lets me forget about the feeling of being negative with guilt and disappointment. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, or maybe I'm just being realistic.